I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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