she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
