Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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