You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
