Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
