hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
