Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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