Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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