well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
