i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
