Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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