I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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