I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
