Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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