All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
