so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
