I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
