Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
