there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
