Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
