I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
