You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
