I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
