The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
