I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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