STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Drunk is a universal language darling
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