i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
