Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
