Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
