I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
