PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
