I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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