i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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