the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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