I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
