Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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