Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
