I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
