A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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