i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
