Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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