Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
