I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
sarcasm needs its own font
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
