i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
