i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
