How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
