there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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