i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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