i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
