Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
