from now on my penis is your penis
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
They are going to name an STD after you.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
